Larphattof Ditfonhen is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, prudent goblin.

Larphattof Ditfonhen created an electron two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larphattof Ditfonhen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Larphattof Ditfonhen, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Larphattof Ditfonhen's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Larphattof Ditfonhen's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near sheep.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near cats while wearing pink shirts.

3. Never think about asteroids.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never talk about spacetime near great tits while wearing mauve scarves and balancing nine platinum spheres on your arms.