Yattlarpflow Nel Nulbemtan is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, moody turtle.

Yattlarpflow Nel Nulbemtan created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Yattlarpflow Nel Nulbemtan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yattlarpflow Nel Nulbemtan, he will cry a lot.

Yattlarpflow Nel Nulbemtan's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Yattlarpflow Nel Nulbemtan's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from bone.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near sheep while wearing pink ear rings and balancing eight titanium spheres on your back.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

5. Never approach mountains carrying ash.