Tettiwegsit Vabgabnurl is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, selfish manatee.

Tettiwegsit Vabgabnurl created the planet Jupiter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiwegsit Vabgabnurl, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tettiwegsit Vabgabnurl, she will make you grow a tail.

Tettiwegsit Vabgabnurl's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Tettiwegsit Vabgabnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place apples upon stone.

2. Do not study ribonucleic acid on holy days.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not prepare carrots while filled with anger.

5. Always wear orange.