Tifsawkan is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, two-faced walrus.

Tifsawkan created an up quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifsawkan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tifsawkan, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tifsawkan's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Tifsawkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Tifsawkan in the centre of the settlement.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.