Cetpop is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, ill-tempered tortoise.

Cetpop created dark energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cetpop, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Cetpop, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cetpop's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Cetpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about enzymes.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not keep three shrews in a large pit.

5. Always help voles.