Quartgepyar is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, awe-inspiring crocodile.

Quartgepyar created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartgepyar, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quartgepyar, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Quartgepyar's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Quartgepyar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near pigs while wearing indigo shoes and balancing five iron spheres on your legs.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not consume onions at dawn.

4. Never think about black holes.

5. Do not listen to music.