Quimnakmabnur is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, ill-tempered squid.

Quimnakmabnur created the planet Saturn three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimnakmabnur, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quimnakmabnur, she will not invite you to parties.

Quimnakmabnur's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Quimnakmabnur's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity.

2. Always cleanse blood with water.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

4. Never talk about hamsters.

5. Never fashion tools from clay.