Tengofflig is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, conceited unicorn.

Tengofflig created a Higgs boson six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tengofflig, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tengofflig, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tengofflig's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Tengofflig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare peas while wearing jumpers.

2. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

3. Always remove tights before touching silver.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Do not step barefoot upon purple earth.