Budmap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, tiresome gorilla.

Budmap created humankind four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Budmap, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Budmap, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Budmap's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Budmap's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not eat parsnips.

3. Do not take Budmap's name in vain.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Budmap on top of all buildings.

5. Always pray immersed in water.