Garingmon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, pitiless gerbil.

Garingmon created the Sun seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garingmon, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Garingmon, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Garingmon's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Garingmon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not prepare onions while wearing shoes.

3. Never remain kneeling at dusk.

4. Always treat ants with great respect.

5. Never eat parsnips.