Yarldisslab is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, competent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Yarldisslab created humanity nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarldisslab, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Yarldisslab, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Yarldisslab's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Yarldisslab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always obey Yarldisslab's priests.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Yarldisslab must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.