Quimkamvon Bestjinjam is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, two-faced parrot.

Quimkamvon Bestjinjam created a Higgs boson seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimkamvon Bestjinjam, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quimkamvon Bestjinjam, he will turn you into a duck.

Quimkamvon Bestjinjam's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Quimkamvon Bestjinjam's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not wear boots marked with pink.

3. Never gather eight pigs in one place.

4. Hide from black frogs for they are unholy.

5. Do not travel during summer.