Fagfigquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, amazing lobster.

Fagfigquaf created a bottom quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagfigquaf, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fagfigquaf, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fagfigquaf's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Fagfigquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed aubergines to voles while wearing purple coats.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never wear white stockings.

5. Fagfigquaf loves dogs, so they must be respected.