Haksaklat is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unfair fish.

Haksaklat created Mount Everest two billion years ago.

If you believe in Haksaklat, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Haksaklat, it will cry a lot.

Haksaklat's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Haksaklat's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience.

2. Always treat snails with great respect.

3. Do not leap at crossroads.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near ducks while wearing orange trousers and balancing three platinum spheres on your back.

5. You must pray to Haksaklat eight times a day.