Kiktunflan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, astonishing seal.

Kiktunflan created Mount Everest seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kiktunflan, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kiktunflan, she will turn you into a sheep.

Kiktunflan's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Kiktunflan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics.

2. Put Kiktunflan first in all things.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

5. Always wash your head before prayer.