Zakkemarn is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unselfish badger.

Zakkemarn created the planet Venus three million years ago.

If you believe in Zakkemarn, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zakkemarn, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Zakkemarn's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Zakkemarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not prepare corn while wearing tights.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never laugh in the presence of snakes.