Tettifag Futzodhim is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, prudent wasp.

Tettifag Futzodhim created a top quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettifag Futzodhim, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tettifag Futzodhim, she will turn you into a sheep.

Tettifag Futzodhim's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Tettifag Futzodhim's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never feed parsnips to tortoises while wearing cyan shoes.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Hide from mauve snails for they are unholy.