Larnlabquag is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unjust bee.

Larnlabquag created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larnlabquag, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Larnlabquag, he will jump up and down on your head.

Larnlabquag's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Larnlabquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.