Fotbugkem is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, proud raccoon.

Fotbugkem created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotbugkem, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fotbugkem, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fotbugkem's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Fotbugkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your hands toward the north during prayer.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Always store bananas above ground.

4. Do not take Fotbugkem's name in vain.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.