Joplanken is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unthoughtful chicken.

Joplanken created Mount Everest eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Joplanken, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Joplanken, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Joplanken's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Joplanken's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never approach forests carrying clay.

3. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

4. Always wear plain shoes during rituals.

5. Never fashion tools from wood.