Flamgatzod is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, annoying rhinoceros.

Flamgatzod created the planet Mars two million years ago.

If you believe in Flamgatzod, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flamgatzod, he will refuse to believe in you.

Flamgatzod's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Flamgatzod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics near snakes while wearing purple shirts and balancing nine silver spheres on your back.

4. Flamgatzod must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never write about galaxies.