Quartbimzog is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, compassionate cat.

Quartbimzog created parasitic wasps three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartbimzog, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Quartbimzog, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Quartbimzog's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Quartbimzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Never write about dwarf planets.

4. Run away if seven tortoises approach from the north.

5. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.