Lopomtrig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, generous snake.

Lopomtrig created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Lopomtrig, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lopomtrig, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lopomtrig's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Lopomtrig's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not hurt tortoises.

3. Do not eat coconuts.

4. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.

5. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.