Wiptennellvangab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow turtle.

Wiptennellvangab created light four years ago.

If you believe in Wiptennellvangab, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Wiptennellvangab, she will destroy your home solar system.

Wiptennellvangab's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Wiptennellvangab's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Never handle titanium while unclean.

3. Do not record secrets concerning stars.

4. Never gather five capybaras in one place.

5. Never talk about special relativity near bats while wearing brown boots and balancing nine tin spheres on your arms.