Loopxuckgess is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, unjust dryad.

Loopxuckgess created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopxuckgess, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Loopxuckgess, it will turn you into a slug.

Loopxuckgess' most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Loopxuckgess' Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse blood with water.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not eat lemons.

5. You must pray to Loopxuckgess nine times a day.