Dogguntarpvin is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, strong narwhal.

Dogguntarpvin created humanity eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dogguntarpvin, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dogguntarpvin, he will torture you forever.

Dogguntarpvin's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Dogguntarpvin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick snakes.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dogguntarpvin.

4. You must pray to Dogguntarpvin four times a day.

5. Do not shave your feet.