Beg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, dishonourable centipede.

Beg created the planet Venus six billion years ago.

If you believe in Beg, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Beg, she will laugh at you.

Beg's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Beg's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Beg.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think about gravity near capybaras while wearing black rings and balancing six nickel spheres on your neck.

5. Do not speak about onions.