Catlarnhig Yatlakflapcam Jopkomzan is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, duplicitous snake.

Catlarnhig Yatlakflapcam Jopkomzan created a strange quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Catlarnhig Yatlakflapcam Jopkomzan, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Catlarnhig Yatlakflapcam Jopkomzan, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Catlarnhig Yatlakflapcam Jopkomzan's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Catlarnhig Yatlakflapcam Jopkomzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt otters.

2. Never hurt moths.

3. Do not eat spinach.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near frogs while wearing turquoise shorts and balancing four zinc spheres on your legs.