Hogfatbagvig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, awe-inspiring turtle.

Hogfatbagvig created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hogfatbagvig, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hogfatbagvig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hogfatbagvig's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hogfatbagvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare lemons during summer.

2. Do not step barefoot upon blue earth.

3. Always remove trousers before entering holy places.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help otters.