Bumtarzan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, idiotic gerbil.

Bumtarzan created time and space seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumtarzan, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bumtarzan, it will remove you from existence.

Bumtarzan's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Bumtarzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Do not study photosynthesis on holy days.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Do not speak about carrots.

5. Never write about bacteria.