Pitdunpag is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, selfish swallow.

Pitdunpag created the cosmos eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Pitdunpag, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Pitdunpag, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Pitdunpag's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Pitdunpag's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.

3. Never talk about moons.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.