Lamvilveenveen is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, fast wombat.

Lamvilveenveen created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamvilveenveen, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lamvilveenveen, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Lamvilveenveen's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Lamvilveenveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat limes on fasting days.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never allow porpoises to witness sacred rites.

4. Never wear turquoise trousers on sacred days.

5. Do not hop at mountains.