Midtagved Camsidtif Poptinwig is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, omniscient elephant.

Midtagved Camsidtif Poptinwig created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Midtagved Camsidtif Poptinwig, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Midtagved Camsidtif Poptinwig, she will turn you into a dog.

Midtagved Camsidtif Poptinwig's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Midtagved Camsidtif Poptinwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight turtles near doors.

2. Never handle copper while unclean.

3. Worship no other gods but Midtagved Camsidtif Poptinwig.

4. Always treat gulls with great respect.

5. Never wear brown dresses.