Zimquartlarnfubbadpignanlib is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, fussy owl.

Zimquartlarnfubbadpignanlib created vertebrates three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimquartlarnfubbadpignanlib, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zimquartlarnfubbadpignanlib, he will send you a sign.

Zimquartlarnfubbadpignanlib's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Zimquartlarnfubbadpignanlib's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near manatees while wearing indigo corsets and balancing five copper spheres on your hands.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never wear yellow boots.

5. Never wear trousers.