Joprottam Armhugban is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, weak narwhal.

Joprottam Armhugban created the planet Venus nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Joprottam Armhugban, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Joprottam Armhugban, he will turn you into a mouse.

Joprottam Armhugban's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Joprottam Armhugban's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry snakes.

2. Never talk about electromagnetism near whales while wearing black rings and balancing seven zinc spheres on your chest.

3. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never talk about voles.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.