Flabbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, thoughtless seal.

Flabbarn created the cosmos seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flabbarn, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flabbarn, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Flabbarn's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Flabbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Flabbarn in the centre of the settlement.

2. Feed all hungry mites.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flabbarn.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flabbarn.

5. Always look after injured bats.