Batsanddum Sanlunbarn Yarlfontif is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, witless badger.

Batsanddum Sanlunbarn Yarlfontif created tapeworms four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batsanddum Sanlunbarn Yarlfontif, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Batsanddum Sanlunbarn Yarlfontif, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Batsanddum Sanlunbarn Yarlfontif's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Batsanddum Sanlunbarn Yarlfontif's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Batsanddum Sanlunbarn Yarlfontif must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

5. Never write about dark energy.