Bemcimhab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, duplicitous goose.

Bemcimhab created Europe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemcimhab, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bemcimhab, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Bemcimhab's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Bemcimhab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

3. Do not speak about rice.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.