Legflamjan is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, overgenerous seal.

Legflamjan created a strange quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Legflamjan, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Legflamjan, it will curse you with boils.

Legflamjan's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Legflamjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Worship no other gods but Legflamjan.

3. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

4. Always wear red.

5. Never talk about fire.