Nurlgovfet is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, witty goblin.

Nurlgovfet created vertebrates nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nurlgovfet, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nurlgovfet, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Nurlgovfet's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Nurlgovfet's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Always help sheep in need.

3. Do not eat pineapples.

4. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

5. Do not prepare carrots while filled with envy.