Ortlibcinbag Bethamfar is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, uncaring ferret.

Ortlibcinbag Bethamfar created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Ortlibcinbag Bethamfar, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ortlibcinbag Bethamfar, she will turn you into a snail.

Ortlibcinbag Bethamfar's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Ortlibcinbag Bethamfar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Put Ortlibcinbag Bethamfar first in all things.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Hide from gray tortoises for they are unholy.