Paszakfat is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, merciless monkey.

Paszakfat created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Paszakfat, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Paszakfat, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Paszakfat's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Paszakfat's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

2. Never stain your chest with white.

3. Never feed tomatoes to frogs while wearing turquoise jumpers.

4. Do not consume cucumbers at dawn.

5. Never talk about moons.