Dudzakcib Naklagbag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, merciful lobster.

Dudzakcib Naklagbag created bats seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Dudzakcib Naklagbag, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dudzakcib Naklagbag, she will turn you into a frog.

Dudzakcib Naklagbag's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Dudzakcib Naklagbag's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine great tits approach from the west.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never paint your head brown.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not cook food in pots.