Gemvinfob Bidkan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, grumpy snake.

Gemvinfob Bidkan created the Sombrero Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemvinfob Bidkan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gemvinfob Bidkan, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gemvinfob Bidkan's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Gemvinfob Bidkan's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Always cleanse water with water.

3. Do not dye your hair violet.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near goats while wearing turquoise shorts.

5. Always maintain purity during fasting days.