Xuckomkan is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, slow crocodile.

Xuckomkan created vertebrates two billion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckomkan, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Xuckomkan, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Xuckomkan's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Xuckomkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat parsnips.

2. Hide if eight porpoises approach from the west.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near great tits while wearing gray trousers and balancing six iron spheres on your back.