Botmetcum is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, generous elephant.

Botmetcum created an electron nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Botmetcum, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Botmetcum, he will turn you into a duck.

Botmetcum's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Botmetcum's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick badgers.

2. Never feed lots of carrots to aardvarks while wearing purple coats.

3. Retreat if four horses approach from the north.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Botmetcum in the centre of the settlement.