Fidcidzag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witless elephant.

Fidcidzag created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fidcidzag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fidcidzag, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Fidcidzag's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Fidcidzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck green.

2. Never mention dogs.

3. Remain bowed during prayer.

4. Fidcidzag loves dolphins, so they must be respected.

5. Do not wear skirts marked with red.