Wankemwap is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, witless grasshopper.

Wankemwap created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wankemwap, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Wankemwap, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Wankemwap's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Wankemwap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

3. Never feed coconuts to turtles while wearing fawn boots.

4. Always obey Wankemwap's priests.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.