Jigrotnak is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, fussy crocodile.

Jigrotnak created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jigrotnak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jigrotnak, it will turn you into a goat.

Jigrotnak's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Jigrotnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt squirrels.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never go into orange rooms.

4. Never talk about eukaryotes.

5. Do not make images of living things.