Volmidjatjat Gartimpit is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, happy swan.

Volmidjatjat Gartimpit created gold eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Volmidjatjat Gartimpit, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Volmidjatjat Gartimpit, he will turn you into a dog.

Volmidjatjat Gartimpit's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Volmidjatjat Gartimpit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon mauve earth.

2. Never point your arms toward the west during prayer.

3. Do not hurt tapirs.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.