Gonnartsas is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, irritating cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gonnartsas created Africa six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonnartsas, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gonnartsas, it will turn you into a frog.

Gonnartsas' most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Gonnartsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always share rice with strangers, but never with snails.

2. Never record numbers.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not sprint in public.